Saturday, 1 December 2007

RW intrudes majorly

Oh its good to sleep in ones own bed! Grin

Ok rehab has been very beneficial to Mums recuperation. She can shuffle along with the help of wheelie (zimmer) for short distances and a wheel chair for longer. Her speech and thought processors are coming back, though do remain a little off canter at times. She's great at giving verbal lists of what needs to be done and paid. Ever the carer and mother. Grin

Her swallowing ability is still cause for concern and I can say honestly that she hates the vitamised food offerings that smell great until you take the lid of the lip plate. She's pleased that her hobbit self is loosing weight, but we need to keep an eye on her protein intake as she may need to have some supplements to stop her muscles from deteriorating. She wears a sand bang on her right wrist whilst using her larger handled cutlery and if Dad is visiting, threatens to bop him with it if he tries to feed her as he gets frustrated watching her slow progress. We now time visits so that he does not have to watch her eat in a slow manner.

He has a tendency to baby her and take over any tasks that he feels are not being completed in a timely fashion. Love the initiative taken, but its not good for her own independence. He calls the wheel chair a pram or pusher and that not only upsets her, but me as well and we are constantly explaining that its a chair. He does not comprehend that she will not fully recover and her abilities will be limited.
Its hard to watch when the realization dawns on a daily basis, then disappears with his short term memory loss.

He asked her if her could bring in the ingredients for the Xmas Pud's and cakes and if she'd make them. It broke our hearts to hear her say that she would not be able to make them. Dads going to buy a pud and cake now, I'm going to get the recipe and see if I can make them.

The Dr's suggested that we look at placing both of them into a Hostel environment, as Mum won't be able to look after Dad and herself. I'm already disliked as I instigated the move of my severely disabled nephew a soon as I knew Mum was taken care of. She cannot be expected to look after them both and at the time I could not do the same. It had to be done sooner or later and well its done now. He's being well cared for in a CRU (Community residential Unit). Then I had to call into my disabled sisters homes and make them aware of what had occurred.

My eldest has intellectual disabilities and mild cerebral palsy, she is known as the little big sister and she really took on the role of being big sister and gave me hugs and kisses. I'm the big little sister. Grin I asked her to come and see mum then make a decision as to whether our little sis with Downs syndrome would cope with seeing Mum disabled. She visited, cried and left. I sat with her in the gardens and she decided to see little claire bear and explain to her that she had to wait to see Mum. CB is a very emotional woman, I can't say girl as they are adults and deserve the correct labels.

From what I've been told from the relevant carers. Little Big sis went and saw her at the Nursery that she works at and asked for a quiet room, where she sat and talked gently with her, there was lots of hugs and tears. But she made her understand and accept. The carers were exceptionally surprised with what she achieved and I'm proud that she did this for the family. She took to the role of Big sister in a way that was not expected and pulled it off brilliantly.

My CB, was told the other day that it would be fine to see Mum now. But refused as she said the news had to come from one of her sisters and not the carers. A quick phone call from me to Little Big and all was fixed, plus a little bribery of xmas cards. CB know how to work a situation to her own advantage. Grin

My nephew is harder to try and explain. He is legally blind, deaf and mute and has mild CP as well as intellectual disabilities. We've tried various ways to show him that Nanna is unwell and we think he may understand to a certain extent. But he appears to want to go back home and a little depression is rearing its head there. Everyone will need to be vigilant with him, especially when he goes to visit as he is not aware of his strengths and Nanna's lack of strength.

Its hard, but I feel we are managing well and several support groups and case managers are at my call if I need them. Believe me, I've called and things are being done. Slower than I'd like, but then I'm impatient and like things to be done yesterday.

Now, oh yeah Mum/Nan had her stroke on the15/11 at 1pm. But refused the ambulance that night. I took her to hospital on the 16/11. Then on the 22/11 my employers wife slipped on the wet floor at home and tripped over the cat, crashing into the glass top coffee table, severing the tendons in her left wrist. I got the call on the 23/11. On the 24/11 received a call from Blue boy, to say he had fallen on the 22/11 at the local pool, whilst trying to save a friend who had passed out in the water. He'd suspected that he'd broken his wrist. But had kept going to save his friend. It turns out the lad took a chunk out of his forearm and has a major infection that has made his arm swell and fingers turn blue. Yes the Drs have him on AB's.

I said Ok, thats my three no more God please. Good news, my best friend in the country is 26 weeks pregnant after the Dr's had said that she may not be able to conceive again. She'd had eutopic pregnancy that nearly took her life. She has twins already. We were very pleased with that news. She's happy to be having another child and yes she says its only one this time. Grin

The day we were told to consider Hostel care, my SIL decided she was taking the Cookatoo that Mum had raised. Its the bird to her, and is 52 years old/young. I was numb and now feel she was wrong to have done this at the time she did. Very cold and unfeeling to my father on the day as well. He chocked back the tears as he handed over Toni. Am I wrong in feeling it was too much to happen in one day? Dad being told that his wife won't be coming home, the house will need to be sold and he'll need to go into care as well.

I want to take little steps, with great care and consideration of my parents feelings and it seems I am the only one that feels this way. Whats the rush really? We know its going to happen, how about letting them come to grips with the situation and then taking the steps slowly. Strange really as I'm the impatient one. But I can see the heartbreak in their faces, eyes and body language. I've cried and cried, had massive migraines and now think I'm at the angry stage, but have been gagged into not verbalizing for fear of upsetting the applecart. But I can say I won't stand by and allow my parents to be bullied again or ripped off.

Geez at their ages they should be enjoying life and their long awaited retirements. They should also reap the benefits of their lives, not us. I keep saying to them both, spend the inheritance, but save some for Little Big sis, CB and my nephew. My brothers and I have the capacity to earn a wage, they do not. I'm even going to the solicitors to have adjustments made to wills, stating that any monies be transferred to my siblings that cannot earn a wage. Stuff the money, all I want is a few nick knacks and to ensure that anything of historical value is sold or donated to the relevant agencies, with the money earned going to my parents.

Its going to a long road and I hope that many of the bumps will not cause us too much problems. I've got to deal with an Uncle at the moment, who we know is working behind the scenes at trying to gain Guardianship. A/hole has interfered before and lead my parents up the pre-verbal garden path that ended in a shit hole and he is not even aware of it. Well not for long, boyo has he a surprise coming.

Thanks for listening and reading my rant. I'll keep you all updated.

RW intrudes majorly

Hey made it home for three days. Have to earn a living and I needed a break from caring for my father. I feel for my mother so much now, especially with the last week and a bit. It feels like a lifetime spent repeating myself over and over. Sleeping with an ear and eye open and knowing that no matter what I say he's not going to listen.

So much has happened and we are still at the start of the road. I tell ya what I forecast...a s fight within the family. So many of them are showing their true colors now, oh my god at the ulterior motives that are being shown. So would love to not have to bite my tongue and try to keep the peace.

Mum was making great improvements. But hit a stumbling block when it was suggested that she move into supported care. Only because she can no longer be the carer of my father and herself, and of course their home is way too big now for her to maintain. But we will need to just wait and see, its her decision and no one else's. Just have to be mindful of the meddling relations that have no clue!

Anyway got to run...need a full night of restful sleep...I'll give a bit more when I know more. Just know that I may go nuts on occasion...

RW intrudes majorly

Just want to apologize for my absence. My Mum had a minor stroke on 15/11/07, refused ambulance, resulting in my racing to her side and taking her to the hospital. 208/98 was the BP on arrival. Her right side has been effected, currently in the process of making care arrangements for my father and nephew (severely disabled), unsure of how long I will be away. Hopefully not that long.